We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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