I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just fell off a train. Bad.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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