your room smells of hookers.
And success
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
