if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
