Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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