Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
