I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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