okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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