Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
