Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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