i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
