i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
