i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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