Apparently you make a good broom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
