I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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