Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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