you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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