Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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