I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
