If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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