he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
