Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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