I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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