As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
