i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
