im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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