I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
