I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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