I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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