I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Randomize
