Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
