Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I would fuck him just for his dog
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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