Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
