you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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