I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
