are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
