When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
