just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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