youre lurking in front of me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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