id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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