I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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