If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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