I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
