I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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