There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
