Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
