I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
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then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
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Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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