omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize