I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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