I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
