Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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