Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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