listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
