so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she told me i tasted like america
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
