I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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