My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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