My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
