Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i think i just lost a toe
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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