i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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