And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
